Tell Me Who I Am
by CloudyxRainbow
Summary: As realisation dawned on her that night, she called her best friend to make it better - who knew this would change more than just her opinion on herself? Niley


"Honey, I know you're hurting right now, but you have to know that some men just aren't worth it, okay? Derek must've been an ass if he left you since you're so nice and all… Nicole… come on, don't cry again… Okay, I won't say his name ever again. Let's call him D from now on. D for Dick. That fits, doesn't it?... Yeah, honey, you can call me back at any time. If you feel like crying, talking or maybe even trashing something or somebody, just call… okay, yeah… bye."

I shut my cell phone and rolled my eyes. Crazy ass friend of mine just got dumped by another jerk that I told her would only do exactly that; dump her and leave her heartbroken. But like always she kept on insisting that he would never do that. Well, figures that I was right; all men are assholes. Some seem to be somewhat okay but still, they have that one asshole bone in their body and it comes out when you don't expect it to.

I dialed another number and waited for the person I just called to pick up. They did after some time. I laughed quietly as I heard someone moan around in the background. So her boyfriend's over, huh? Might as well have fun with that…

"Yo, bitch, what's up?" She giggled loudly and I knew she was drunk. Even though it was only afternoon, she always knew how to party – no matter what time of day it was. Her boyfriend mumbled something and since I could hear _exactly_ what he'd mumbled I knew he 1. wanted to get some and was nibbling on her neck and 2. was drunk as well.

"Hey, slut, what's up?" I sighed a little bit too dramatic and rolled my eyes as I started telling her about Nicole. We both sort of shared this little thing called 'gossip-love'. I tend to bash tons of people while 'gossiping'. Don't get me wrong, I care about everyone, but when people annoy me, I get mean. You can ask any of my friends – which I have plenty of.

"God, Nicole's one soft chick, ain't she?" I giggled and nodded.

"Yup, that she is. I don't know how much longer I can stand that. So, Dems… I heard someone sucking on your neck…?" She giggled and I knew she'd blushed as I said that.

"Yup, Joe's here… that's why I've got to hang up. I'm sorry but we'll go for lunch tomorrow, kay?"

"Cool, see ya then." And then we hung up. I sighed a little as I realized I was just bashing on one of my best friends. I wasn't always like that. I just changed in High School because I realized that if I wanted to be popular, I had to be like them. Making fun of everyone.

I used to be this really chill girl that kept quiet and would do anything to be popular. Now I just do stuff I never thought I would do. Stuff that I hated other people for – which were the populars, of course. Demi was one of those friends that would bash on other people that were her friends but would always stick with that friend as well if it came down to it.

I was like that too – but I hardly knew myself anymore. I mean, who did I become? A mean bitch that made fun of her friends? Not something worth becoming if you ask me. But I ended up that way anyway. The only person that still tried to keep me calm and collected was my true best friend, Nick. He's been my best friend for years – well, for about my whole life, honestly.

He is way sweet and has always been there for me. He was there when my dad had hit me. By the way, my father still claims it was an accident, but since it wasn't once that he did hit me I guess it really wasn't. Nick was also there when my Mom left because she couldn't take Dad anymore. He was there when I cried myself to sleep every night because Mom did leave me alone with such a prick like Dad is.

And he was there whenever a guy would dump me because I wouldn't have sex with them. I'd let them do things to me that I didn't want them too, but sex is a whole other level of a relationship and I don't want them to 'fuck and run', like Demi would call it. But of course, every time a guy did leave me, I was hurt as hell and Nick was there.

I would honestly date Nick if he just weren't gay. He's never said it and he's never told me about a boyfriend of his but he's never had a girlfriend either – at least not that I know. He'd always agree with me whenever I'd say some guy was hot and when I'd say a girl looked like a slut he'd laugh and start bashing her clothes to its finest.

So, simply, I assumed he was gay. But you never ask a guy if he's gay – you just simply can't do that. It's like offending them just in a whole other level. Saying someone is gay might as well be an insult. So obviously, I never asked but I just always thought I knew. He never talked about his family so I guessed they hated him for being gay – it all made sense.

He never seemed gay though which is kind of ironic since I just said he's never told me he was but it seemed like it. But I kept to my theory that he was gay. He even loved shopping with me! What normal guy would love shopping? He was always well dressed and he tried to look as good as possible. Seriously, all the guys I've dated looked like tools next to that guy.

And he was hot – way hot. This is why I hate that he's gay. I mean, seriously, if he weren't… yeah, he'd definitely stand a chance or two, if you know what I mean. But since he is gay I might as well enjoy that and call him to get him to come over and help me get over my little mental breakdown. I had to vent to him how I didn't know myself anymore.

I really didn't. So I picked up the phone and dialed his number. I never pressed call though. I decided to text him something. Maybe he was just about to get some from someone just like Demi was. I quickly typed in, asking if he wanted to come over. He didn't take long to reply which actually surprised me. I opened the text message and smiled.

_Be right there, luv 3_ There, that was just prove enough how gay he had to be. That was something Demi would text. He was a guy though and I'm sure he never in his life was a girl. I knew him all his life so, obviously I knew that all that he had in his pants had to be real. Not that I've seen him naked recently, but about ten years ago when we were 13 I had accidentally walked in on him changing.

He wasn't all that embarrassed, I guess. Yeah, he blushed and he'd turned around but he didn't really dare move either. I just looked at his white butt for about thirty seconds until I blushed furiously and ran out of the room. We never talked about it again. I bet his butt didn't look like that anymore though. Back then it was sort of wobbly and… like a teenagers butt. Now it's most likely… hard – no matter how bad that sounds.

After fifteen minutes and me biting my nails there was a knock on my door. I hastily jumped up and sprinted towards the door, opening it and staring at a completely drenched Nick. His hair was a mess and he looked tired but he still smiled at me. Wait, why would he look…? Oh, maybe because it's almost midnight and he most likely was sleeping already.

I smiled at him innocently and shrugged opening my arms. He wanted to hug me until I realized that he was still wet and all. I stepped back and he stumbled in, looking at me confused after he composed himself. I giggled a little and motioned up and down his body with my pointer finger. He looked down at himself and sighed.

"You're all wet." Nick chuckled and shrugged, pulling off his shirt. I watched him in awe as he dropped his pants and started pulling his socks off.

"What the hell are you doing?" Nick stopped pulling on his left sock and looked at me with confused eyes.

"Well, you said I was wet which I am so I wanted to change into some clothes that I know I have over here somewhere since you stole them 'secretly'… don't look at me like that, I would never drop my boxers in front of you." I nodded but I was still shocked as he walked out of the living room. He just undressed himself in front of me and all I can think about is how bad I wanted him to drop his boxers too?

He came back in, wearing fresh boxers and a new white shirt. So maybe I did steal a few of his shirts and boxers but obviously, the shirts were too small for him anyway. And I just noticed how small they really were. I stole them back when he didn't have that much muscles and all. They were now almost completely bugging out of the shirt I honestly thought it would burst any minute.

Sorry, when did he get so hot? Gosh, why did he have to be gay? Why did I have to be how I was? Why did I change? Why did I have to be such a mess… wait, was I crying? Why was I crying? When did that happen? Why do I question every move I make? God, help me!

Nick rushed to my side and sat me down on the couch as I just had burst out crying for no reason at all. He started rubbing my back with his strong yet sort of soft hands and whispered nice words into my ear. I leaned my head on his broad shoulder and tried so hard not to sob. I ended up not sobbing but feeling embarrassed so I only cried more. He then pulled me on his lap.

"What's going on, sweetheart?" I sighed and buried my head in his neck before I answered. Nick was patient enough to wait for me to answer anyway.

"I don't know myself anymore… I was talking to Nicole and trying to tell her that Derek was a dick and then I called Demi venting how annoying Nicole was. I'm such a bad friend – I can't do that to people let alone my best friends, can I?" Nick sighed and rubbed my shoulder before pulling my head back so he could look at me.

"You're a great friend. I mean… you don't have to bash about your friends but… you're an amazing friend and you're my best friend…" I sighed and wiped my eyes, annoyed at myself.

"So? I'm Nicole's friend… how do you know that I'm not bashing you behind your back?" Nick chuckled and shrugged.

"Because… because I trust you not to do that. If you did you would look extremely guilty as well…" I nodded a little and shot him a small smile. But then I frowned again.

"I just… I don't know who I am anymore. I'm this two-faced bitch that goes off at their own best friends just because she can! Who am I, Nick? Because at this point I don't know anymore… I used to be this nice girl and all that and now… I know nothing about myself anymore…" Nick frowned at me. It sounded dramatic, I know, but that's how I felt.

He stared into my eyes for a long time and I wasn't sure what that was supposed to show me. Was he trying to find out who I was now? I felt kind of uncomfortable the way he was looking at me though. What was he doing anyway? He suddenly smiled and raised his hand. I thought he was going to put it on my cheek but he just put it on my hair, stroking it gently.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You're not a two-faced bitch; you're the nicest person I know. And you don't go off at anybody. When you're annoyed at somebody, of course you're going to vent to somebody else about it. And let's face it, Nicole is – and I realize how bad that sounds – a little bitch herself. She just goes for attention and she'd do anything to get it.

"You want to know who you are? You are the most honest and greatest girl I have in my life or ever will have in my life. You are beautiful and kind-hearted. Obviously, you wouldn't feel guilty now if you actually were a two-faced bitch. You're generous and you are one of those popular girls that actually do talk to others, no matter what you think about them or how you feel about them, even if you hated them.

And you know what? Along the way, I fell for the kind-hearted, beautiful, honest, greatest and nice girl. All these things… they make me love you so much and you don't even know… actually, I guess now you do…" I stared at my apparent gay best friend who I thought was gay for so long and… oh, did I mention I thought he was gay?

Did he seriously just confess his feelings for me? Nick… my best friend? Nick… my gay best friend who I thought was gay for almost my entire life at least as long as I've known him? That Nick? Oh great, what do I do now? I seriously wanted to actually have a boyfriend like him and now he just said all of that to me? Now? Was it my lucky day or something?

Nick seemed to get nervous as he shifted beneath me since I was still on his lap. I started to shake my head slowly, still not believing what just happened. I saw how he was about to get up and probably leave but I couldn't have that. I wanted to tell him that I sort of maybe kind of possibly loved him for some time now too.

So I pushed his shoulders down and he fell backwards as his back hit the couch. He looked at me with big eyes – confused, by the way. I smiled a little and started playing with the little curl that would always dangle in front of his face. I knew he was annoyed by it so I pushed it back and held it there with my hand.

"Don't leave now… I just… I need to know if what you just said was true… do you actually love me like… not like best friends or… not?" Nick chuckled and pulled me a little closer… Was it bad to say it felt really nice? I mean like, there was some tension there that did not only stay on the 'I love you' level… let's call it Lust for now.

"Believe it or not, I meant the kind of love that goes beyond friendship." I gawked at him, shocked. Wasn't he gay still? Or did I look that much of a guy to him? Was that an insult? Of course, me being stupid me, I couldn't hold the question in any longer and it soon rolled off my tongue like nothing.

"Aren't you gay?" Nick's mouth dropped as he heard me ask that. In a second, I found myself almost falling to the floor as Nick jumped up and rushed somewhere – probably to where his clothes were to get them. When he came he was almost out the door but I could stop him. His eyes showed hurt and disappointed, embarrassed as well and I knew I also hurt his guy-pride, as he liked to call it.

He shook his head slowly and looked me up and down before he walked out the door. I wanted to grab after his arm but the door closed behind him. Did I just seriously ruin everything we could ever have just because I_ assumed _something as insulting as this? I snapped out of my shocked state of mind and rushed after him, out into the pouring rain.

Pretty cliché, right? Yeah, I know but most of the times, people are at least somewhat dressed decent. All I was wearing were my a little too tight shorts that I used as pajama pants and a little too tight tank top that… was more than just a little too tight, actually. I wasn't wearing any shoes and the ground was flooded by rain but I didn't care.

I had to get to Nick. I saw him trot down the street, getting soaked once again but he didn't seem to care. I ran after him, trying to catch up. I did eventually. Can you say movie scene much? I just grabbed his arms and spun him around, swiping my hair out of my face. He stared at me with big eyes. They wandered up and down my body and I rolled my eyes a little. I pushed his face up and pointed at my eyes.

"Listen to me – I didn't want to hurt you. I just… for all these years you've never had a girlfriend and you've been so much into fashion or at least going shopping with me. And you were so good with deciding what fit me well. You never once tried to… hit on me or anything. You look perfect all the time and I just thought that normal guys don't take care of their looks that much. I just thought you can't be… 'real' if you're that perfect. All the perfect guys are gay. But… I always hated thinking you were gay because I've really, really liked you for so long now and I knew I could never be with you.

I know that my reaction to your confession was wrong. What I really wanted to say was… even though I've lived my life thinking you were too perfect so you had to be gay, I still started to fall for you day by day. All the things you did to cheer me up – just everything – it all made me fall for you. So there you have it – I'm in love with you too… desperately." Nick stared at me. Wow, that was… a lame-ass speech.

I knew he'd never believe me. Telling a guy you thought he was gay after he confessed his love to you must be like telling a girl she's fat even though she just lost half the weight she actually weighs. I dropped my head and looked down, disappointed and embarrassed. After not answering me for about five minutes and some intense staring from his side.

I realized he wouldn't ever answer me so I started walking backwards until I also realized that he wouldn't call me back or do anything to get me. I looked down and bit my lip, keeping my tears in as I walked away. Serves me right; I was a bitch to all my friends before, why would Nick suddenly forgive me for everything.

I mean, yeah, I never did anything to him but he knew what I did to others. I walked back to my house and shut the door after I entered I was soaking wet so I thought, I might as well step under the shower. And being in this kind of trance, I just turned on the water and stepped in, ignoring the blistering cold water rushing down on me.

It turned hot soon enough and I sat down and let it run down on me. I didn't care anymore. I was cold anyway and the hot water was nice. I sat there – my back leaning against the wall and my eyes staring ahead, not really looking at anything. I didn't notice anything happening around me.

Like, the front door opening and footsteps coming closer to the bathroom. I didn't even notice the bathroom door opening – not even the shower door open. I only noticed that someone had entered the house when that someone sat down next to me in the shower. I slowly looked at them and my eyes slightly widened. He'd come after me.

After my lame-ass speech and me insulting him in… really insulting ways, he actually came after me… I just stared at him though, waiting for him to do something. He did too – he smiled and grabbed my hand. He smiled? Well, not a full on big smile, you know? More like – 'I totally get what you were saying and I'm glad you feel that way too' – smile.

As he grabbed my hand he intertwined our fingers too and brought the two hands up to his lips. He kissed mine gently before he swiped my hair out of my face. I looked at him confused. He chuckled and shrugged.

"I understand how you could think that… I was interested in guys, I guess. I only acted like I did, though, because I wanted to be with you a lot. It kinda sucked knowing you had all these boyfriends while I tried to stay single until you realized you wanted me. If I knew you thought I was gay I would've made a move earlier. Of course, you wouldn't ever try hitting on me or something if you thought I was gay… but, I appreciate you telling me all this stuff and… I love you too." I smiled a little.

"I haven't even said it yet." Nick shrugged and put an arm around me. I slid closer to him and sighed a bit. The water started to get cold again.

"It doesn't matter – I knew you were going to say it anyway." I laughed and nudged him gently. He chuckled and looked down at me. I leaned up and just kissed him. He was surprised but kissed me back anyway. It felt amazing. I know some girls would describe this as the 'fireworks and butterflies' and all that stuff that sounded romantic.

But what I felt was… this feeling that usually would make you throw up in the pit of your stomach. Just that it actually makes you feel good. An incredible feeling, if you ask me but indescribable as well. So obviously, fireworks and butterflies didn't do any justice to that feeling. I pulled back and kissed his cheek.

"I'm so sorry for saying what I said about you. I mean, obviously I thought you were gay but now obviously, you aren't… well, what I'm saying is, I'm sorry but you know that already and since we've kissed and all I assume we're okay?" Nick chuckled and kissed my cheek as well. Maybe repeating how sorry I was made this all the more embarrassing since what I just said pretty much sucked but I was nervous. When I'm nervous I tend to ramble a lot.

"We're more than okay. I told you I love you, you told me you love me – everything's perfect." I smiled and kissed him softly. I grinned a little and nudged him with my elbow.

"So… bother to** Tell Me Who I Am**, once again?" Nick raised a confused eyebrow until he realized what he was doing. He grinned too and shrugged innocently.

"Well… if I'm lucky enough, I guess you are my girlfriend." I giggled and shrugged too.

"You guess?" I asked playfully. Nick kissed me gently, his lips lingering there a little bit longer, making the kiss even sweeter than it was.

"No, actually, I know." He kissed me again and this time, the kiss was more passionate and heated. The now cold water was forgotten as Nick pulled me on his lap and… well, let's just say he did some things to me that I haven't let anybody else do before…

Leaving out all the details of what happened the last few months, I'll let you know I changed. I apologized to all my friends even though they had no idea why. I never told them though. They were confused and accepted and I stopped being a bitch after that. I even got a decent job, not the part-time jobs in a small-town café, waiting tables as a supply.

I was never a bad person; I know that now, but my life changed ever since Nick and I really got together. I know we've been best friends forever and he's always had some kind of impact on my life but… I feel like now that we're together and we really depend on each other, I need to be there in his life as a constant so he can rely on me whenever he needs me.

And he can't do that if I have crappy jobs so he made me realize a lot of stuff. And I changed back to the sweet girl I was. After a year we moved in together – yup, we did. And believe it or not but we never fought… well, barely fought, at least. If we fought it was little arguments which movies to watch or things like that and I'd always win because he'd give in eventually.

There was one thing I'd always keep on asking whenever I felt like it – most likely after those little arguments. After we had settled down we'd lie on the couch or in our bed and cuddle and I'd look at him and sort of demand him to do something; to _tell me who I am. _And his answer would always be the same, that's why I wanted to hear it. He'd always answer with the magic words; those words were most likely the words he'd answer me to get some on some nights. Of course, if I didn't want to that then he'd appreciate my wishes and he'd get a make-out session. But most importantly, those words were what got me every time; that had me crying sometimes even – like when he proposed to me and stuff. The six magic words….

_**You're the love of my life….**_

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******This is a sad excuse of a temporary replacement for all my stories :P I still haven't gotten my laptop back and all I can write is oneshots... I just wanted something sorta funny and cute with a little drama because my stuff always has drama but with a little wit in it as well... get it? Good, thanks for reading and... maybe you leave a review and I'll write another oneshot? By the way, the more reviews I get, the quicker the oneshot will come - if school allows it in the sense of not too much homework and all... just to let you know. I mean, I'll write one even if I get like, two reviews or even only one just... oh well, you get it - I won't upload it as fast... whatever, I'm not selfish, I'll post one either way...**

**Oh, I'll let you know when I get the laptop back and stuff - the first thing I'll do is write chapters for all my stories, sound good? Okay, I'll let you review now.. ;P Thanks for reading, really hope you liked it :)**


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